so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
