Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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