grandma shit on top of the toilet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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