I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
