gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize