Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
