Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
