Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
