my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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