I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize