Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
