You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
