....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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