they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
