If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
