tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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