I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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