Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
