he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
