we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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