Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
