I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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