Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
