do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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