Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
