Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
