how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
