On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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