When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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