my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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