The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
