Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
