This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
