I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
