one might say we're banned from that church
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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