based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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