Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
