I heard we made out
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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