I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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