He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
