dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
