you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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