Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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