This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
