Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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