my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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