i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
