There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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