White coat. Heels.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
