You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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