I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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