I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize