So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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