96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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