I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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