$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
