we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just blew my weed a kiss
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
