I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
