Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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