At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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