I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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