Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
tell me about the eggs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
