So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
