new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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