Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
birth control should be required to get into college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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