I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
