Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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